Jealousy in WoW

I was contemplating for a while wether I should blog about this. But it’s something that is really bothering me and caused a minor break-down this morning. This will be a quite personal post.

Jealousy is one of my flaws. I know it and I admit it. My ambitions are rather on the unhealthy side which has a lot to do with my upbringing (as in “if you are The Best, The Smartest, The Slimmest, The Prettiest – whatever, you name it – you are loved more”). I’m mentioning this to show how deeply these feelings are rooted and that – eventhough I got a lot better about it – could never quite shake them off.

What does this have to do with WoW you ask?

Well.

I’ve been playing WoW for a couple of years now. Due to my natural curiosity I discovered a lot and could usually help my guildies out with my knowledge or tell a story or anecdote or show them some hidden gems around the game. However, one day another girl joined our guild who quickly became the person to ask for anything you wanted to know about the game. It was ok at the time, she spent way more time in the game than I was able to and naturally knew more.

I was still the achievement hunter, I was really good at that. I knew all about achievements, I loved to farm them – especially the trickier ones. I was achievement-girl, that was my place, that’s what I was good at. During raids I was no longer way up there with the Top-DPS like I used to; because you know, I had to step down from raiding due to RL. But it was ok. I did ok, not extraordinary so, but I was fine.

I was still achievement-girl. But it slowed down, because there were less and less achievements I could go about by myself. Everything I missed were Raiding or PVP achievements. About the raiding or even the dungeon ones there wasn’t much I could do about – I needed a group for that or even a full raid, but RL prevented that for me. I even took up PVP – I hate PVP, but I did it in small doses and would stop when it started to make me agressive. But hey, I got one or the other Achievement that way.

Today I saw that said girl overtook me by far with the achievements.

Yes, I cried bitterly – because it felt as if my place, my right to be and who I am in the guild was taken away from me. Who am I now? I’m nothing special, I don’t know as much, I don’t play as good as she does. I feel so devastated that I begin to be and think unfair and mean. In one corner of my mind I know that I’m being ridiculous. After all, it’s just a game, a hobby. She’s well loved in the guild and I’m so incredibly jealous, because now she is everything that I once used to be.

Where does this leave me? The bitter, old Hunter sitting in the corner of the pub, drinking too much Dwarven Beer and talking about better days?

I’m really quite devastated and this is why I write this – because it helps me soothe my mind. For a moment I even thought that now I can give the game up completely. I’m no use at it anyways. And the guild doesn’t need me either, they have her. (Yes, I know, ridiculous thoughts… )

I’m not quite sure how to proceed. I even don’t know how to face her. Because right now, I can’t do it gracefully. I’m the worst loser there is.

 

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8 responses

  1. Oh dear. There is SO much counselling that could accompany this post and my reply. I think the crux would be something someone once said to me which is “If you don’t love yourself, how can you love others? If you aren’t happy, how can you make others happy?”

    The game brings out the worst in people. It promotes jealousy to keep people playing. Look at how Ensidia (Nihilum) must feel – they were the best! Everyone knew them. Everyone wanted to be them. Then Paragon came along and stole their crown.

    Your post actually makes me understand your reaction to me when I joined the guild because I guess I chipped off a bit of your crown with my mad pet collection. I personally found it a bit strange that you could be unhappy with me for my pet habit and think I was flaunting my own personal wealth in people faces when several guild members had multiple accounts and obviously spend far more on the game each month than I ever did on pets.

    Talk to the other person. Congratulate her. Get past it and move on. You don’t know her own motivation for wanting to achieve so much. Maybe she is insecure in her place in the guild and wants to be ‘the best’ at something. Maybe she doesn’t like you and wanted to hurt you (which I very much doubt because you are both nice people). Maybe there are a million things that could go through your head about why but you won’t find out until you talk to her. My guess is that she is dreading talking to you too because she’s just been playing WOW her way and has sneaked past you. But was upsetting you a reason for her not to do it? What if she is feeling just as hideous because she knows how much it will upset you? Should that have stopped her playing because it would upset you? NO. Should you stop playing because she has beaten you? NO.

    You are a thoughtful, kind person. Remember how you touched a guildie with your kindness in buying the mount that they had so long craved for. You don’t actually need to buy people’s love either – you just need to show that you have thought about them a bit, which you do. The guild knows and loves you. They also know and love the other girl. I hope they are getting to know and love me too. There is enough love in the guild to share round everyone. There doesn’t have to be (and I actually don’t think there is) a ‘best’ or ‘favourite’. We all celebrate each other for whatever we do or achieve.

    Be proud of your own achievements. Be proud of what you know too. Be proud of your job, your home, your family. Be proud of YOU.

    Big hugs. Seph xxx

    1. Thanks for your words Seph and thanks for the talk yesterday. While I did calm down since yesterday, I still need a couple of days to completely gather myself I think. I’m not yet so far that I could congratulate her. And I don’t want to, to be honest. I think I simply need a little more time.

  2. *Huggles* We love you anyway, cheesemints or no cheesemints! You don’t have to be the best or prove anything to us! But if it helps when I think about cheesemints I always think of you. I’m not that fussed about them, but I do wish I had your drive to do them sometimes.

    But it’s not just you. I get jealous sometimes. When Allea joined and became a raiding Shadow Priest not long after I swapped my main to Morrigu I got jealous. They out DPSed me at one point and I went into melt down, but rather than give up and cry I went back to the drawing board and did some class research and I think became a better spriest after it. So it’s not just you, and you could get something good out of this if you try.

    As for facing the girl, I bet she doesn’t even realise she’s upset you and didn’t do so on purpose. So talk to her about it. And if by some slim chance she is nasty to you point me in her direction and I’ll defend your honour!

    We love you how you are Anka 🙂

    1. Awww, thanks Mora, that is really sweet of you! I’m glad I’m not the only one who gets jealous. I calmed down by now and am not as upset anymore. Still don’t want to talk to her today for fear of causing drama – which I profoundly do not want! I guess I need another day or two to collect myself before I’m able to gracefully deal with the situation. I guess I will get something good out of eventually, but it’s still too early at this point. Thanks for your kind words, though!

  3. […] my melt down yesterday I’m a lot calmer today. Also thanks to some very good conversations. I had time to think and […]

  4. Oh lovely, lovely Anka. I wish I could have answered this sooner, but have been away

    You still are everything you used to be. You are needed, you are missed and you are loved. And right now, you’re frustrated because this symbolises that you’ve not been able to partake in things that much recently because of the Real Life boss.

    I do know how you feel in some respects. When I gave up the GL position, I cried. I didn’t feel special any longer. But the thing is, we are loved. We are a part of this, and being top isn’t everything.

    It’s hard not feeling the best at things you enjoy. We get so pressurised to be the best, to be really good. I get that a lot with bellydance as well. I see someone who is awesome and think, why do I even bother? Especially when I see someone who is so bloody good they blow your mind with their dancing! And then, for a moment, I’m lost in the music, and the movement, and everything feels so good. And I remember why I do it. Just for that fraction of a second, it feels so good it’s all worth it! And the longer I dance, the better I get at it and I have more of those moments. I’m never going to be a Rachel Brice, or a Nawarra but I CAN enjoy the dance for what it is.

    I get that with WoW too sometimes. I never was going to be a top of the meters healer, or a fountain of knowledge. But we do all make differences, contribute to things in our own special ways. For example, I’ve got some fab memories of you taking us through places, and our enjoying sightseeing tours and talking about them. And I’d like to make more of those memories with you. And get some of those achievements you’ve mentioned in your next post with you.

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